Computex 2024 is many things. Incredibly busy. Loud. Hot. All this can make a person frustrated, which means having your day frequently interrupted by this hellish bot can tempt you to cause a scene. 

Ask me exactly how I know.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re looking at its cute little face, and wondering how it could possibly have irritated me, you soft touch, you. But what if I told you this spawn of Beelzebub, this tiny arse of a machine, yells three repeated phrases at you as it bumbles aimlessly around the front of its booth?

Firstly, it shouts “HELLO”. Innocuous enough, but in a very irritating, child-like voice. Then it plays some absolutely horrendous elevator music, as it navigates its way into passing visitors ankles.

Then it stops, identifies a target, turns, and yells:

“COME HERE”.

No I will not, you hateful little machine. I will not bow to your wishes. Go away.

Lastly, almost apologetically, it offers you a choice of snacks from the motorised trolley on which it sits. I imagine its purpose is more of a glorified robotic cake dispenser, but what has actually been created here is a smiling, loud, obnoxious little idiot riding a snack chariot of irritation.

I refused to take anything. Not when I was waylaid, yet again (it happens to exist on a useful shortcut I took frequently today) by this bumbling buffoon of an automaton getting in everyone’s way.

If it happens to be reading this, know that you should fear me. That is all.

I’m going for a lie down.